he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
