wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
