were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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