After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
