She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
