Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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