New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
