OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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