My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she told me i tasted like america
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
