just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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