I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
