i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
