Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
