It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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