Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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