i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
