I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to fling myself into the sun
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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