i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
