So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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