Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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