I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
