remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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