Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
