Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
