I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
