for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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