I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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