I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
