definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
