just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
