I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nutella sex= disaster
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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