happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
