I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
