a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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