omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
