I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
