There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
that is very illegal...i love you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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