yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
