he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
