wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
