Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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