if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
