Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
