im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
