Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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