Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
