Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
