Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
