i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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