just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
