Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
