Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
