After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize