Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
