I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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