I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize