your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
