I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
