i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Alive.
So much puke
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
