I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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