Buhtt sex?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
