Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
