And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
