We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
