when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
