the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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