I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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