I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
