Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
