Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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