On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
