Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had sex on a roof
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
