i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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